Hint: They Sell Freaking Toys. Children's Toys!

Dear Company Who's Name I Shall Not Mention,

You provide a wonderful email service, alerting me when jobs are available at your organization. It is delightful. I don't have to do any of the work, I just have to open the email.

You know what is not delightful? When I get the same email, with the same position available, that I have applied for 5 times, for which you have not called me for an interview once. Clearly you have yet to fill this position but apparently my spectacular-ness is not good enough for even an interview?

You my friends, are a bunch of idiots.

Love,

Kristen

An Open Letter

Dear BJ's Wholesale Club,

I fully understand your purpose of having club cards so only members can experience your incredible discounts. Not just anybody should be allowed to buy 100 Solo cups for only $7.99. Perks like these should certainly be maintained for only those who take the time to apply for a membership, awkwardly get their picture taken, and then carry around that little plastic card in the case of a wholesale emergency. The point is, I totally understand your 'members only' policy.

That being said, ARE YOU KIDDING ME that I need a death certificate in order close someones membership?! You are neither a bank nor a government agency nor one of the many, many institutions that I would expect to have provide a death certificate to. You sell Nerd Ropes at like 5 cents a pop but you want me to bring you a death certificate to prove that I'm not willy nilly cancelling my family member's account?

Puh-lease.

All the best,
K. Fahn

P.S. In other (completely related) news, you provide perhaps the best tailgate shopping ever so thank you in advance for what is sure to be a delicious, well supplied weekend.

P.P.S. This household may never have to buy toilet paper or paper towels again so thank you for taking that off my shopping list for, well like, forever.

God Bless Target Employees

Thoughts had at Target:

1. Yes! Nothing better than a parking spot next to the cart corral. Seriously. Anytime I go anywhere a cart will be involved my parking decisions are based on the cart corrals, not how far I am from the door. Nothing worse than already being at your car and having to walk the cart back 3 miles. Those of you who don't return your carts, shame.

2. Paper towels are on sale! And I need to pick up paper towels! Little victories.

3. I have a 10% off coupon which means I can buy 8 giant rolls of paper towels, 4 boxes of tissues and an iPod for under $100. This. Is. Amazing.

(You can imagine how happily I'm walking out of the store at this point. I had checked out in the back at the electronics counter so the only thing between me and the car ride home was walking from electronics, past the cash registers, to my car.) (Also, I realize the aforementioned statements make me seem about 30 years older than I am but I think it's a well established fact that I'm kind of a 65 year old trapped in a 24 year old body.)

4. How did I get my cart so stuck between this pole and this refrigerator full of Pepsi products that a Target team member had to come get me unstuck from this situation? Seriously. I couldn't move forward, I couldn't move backward. And no amount of shaking, pulling, or lifting the cart was rectifying the situation. Who designed the checkout aisles so that their carts could not fit through them? And who made the carts so wide that you can't fit them through the checkout aisles?

Needless to say I walked out of Target a little more than embarrassed. If I hadn't had that parking spot to go back to it would have been a miserable situation...