Responsibility Occasionally Eludes Me

The CRV has been through a lot in the last few months. First, there was the garbage can incident. My very difficult to back out of driveway is even worse when there is 5 feet of snow piled on either side of it. Throw the garbage cans at the end of the driveway and you pretty much have about 3 feet of space to move your car through. Or, like me, you can use the whole driveway and just back right through the garbage cans, cracking the passenger side view mirror.

Then there was the headlight debacle. OK, not so much a debacle, just both my headlights died at the exact same time. If you can tell me what the odds of that are, I would be very interested to know.

Then there was the getting rear ended thing. That happened on the way to work one day. Actually, this wasn't really a big deal either. Just, you know, got rear ended. Luckily the CRV has that giant spare tire on the back which other cars simply bounce off of and they get jacked up. Not me. (Insert smiley face here.) (Maybe even the one with sunglasses?)

After that my tire got slashed. In Williamsville. I think this is ironic? Maybe just oxymoronic? I digress. Parked my car at a friend's, friend drove me out that night, got back into my car to go home, realize my car is making the strangest noise. I'm thinking, 'Wow, the engine in my car is totally going to explode and I'm going to suffer a tragic, fiery death.' Then as I got home I realized the only other that would make that noise (oh, because I know what an exploding car engine sounds like?) would be a flat tire. Sure enough, four holes right in the front of it. This actually ended up being a blessing in disguise as I apparently needed four new tires anyway.

So the point here is, CRV has been through alot lately. (Another point, I might be a terrible car owner?) But the greater point here: No matter what my car has been through lately it is definitely nothing, nothing, compared to whatever happened to the poor vehicle that took down the old Golden Gate sign. Yikes.

Have I Mentioned I Coach A Softball Team?

Because I do. I don't play softball, I coach. I'm also an excellent scorekeeper. Oh and I bring great snacks (Orange slices! Birthday cookies!) and beer to the games. (If beer didn't tip you off, yes, this is all happening for full grown adults.)

This is all well and good during our Wednesday night games, (Don't forget about Parents Watch Day, coming up in just a few weeks!) but not so much during our practices. Oh yeah, I said practices. We've held more than one. Anyway, there's no scorekeeping or lineup tending to be done. Snacks at a practice seems overboard, even for me. I can't bring beer to every event we hold so yesterday's practice involved not a lot of action.

Naturally by 'not a lot of action' I mean, I spent 45 minutes at an elementary school watching 5 dudes hit balls in the direction of another softball team at practice. They were 7 year old girls.

The good news here is, I was told, 'At least you look good.' And really if you're going to sit there and stare vacantly into space for any period of time, you may as well look good doing it.

This post is dedicated to TW, Co-Founder of the Libation Nation.

Nailed It

I just realized not only has it been a long time since I posted but that I also never told the story of the Lake Placid Half Marathon. The story here is, there really is no story. This is definitely a 'no news is good news' situation. Before I started, I expected the story to read something like this:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after tripping over her own two feet around mile 8 of the Lake Placid Marathon and Half. The 25 year old woman broke both her ankles and, inexplicably, her nose.

I expected the story to be like that because, you know, have you met me? Sometime between miles 4 and 6 (though the original story was still highly plausible) the story in my head changed:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after being attacked by a bear during the Lake Placid Marathon and Half. The woman, 25, was minding her own business when a black bear came barreling out of the woods and ripped her face off. She is in intensive care.

This came to mind because we may as well have been running directly through the woods. There were points on this course where it was just mountain roads with nothing but woods on either side. Not to mention one of our supporters saw a bear on the side of the road just the day before. These were the Adirondack's here people, any number of animals could have come creeping out of those woods. So that could have happened but around mile 12 I knew what the official story was going to be:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after appearing to drop dead because no one alerted her to the fact that the Lake Placid Marathon and Half course was pretty much straight up hill. The woman, 25, is not dead and was taken back to the course so she could crawl across the finish line.

Seriously. I know I probably should have said to myself, 'Hey, this is in the Adirondack Mountains it is probably going to be hilly. Get your head in the game.' But no. Everyone we talked to said, 'Oh no, it's not that bad.' I promise you, no matter where you've run, you've never run up anything like this. Oh wait, there was that guy in the elevator who had just run his 42nd marathon who told us that Big Sur is worse. Freaking. Big. Sur. I've also heard San Francisco is a bitch but, the point here is, it was hilly. Happily, the story *actually* ended like this:

Local Buffalo woman actually ran across the finish line of her first half marathon in Lake Placid this weekend. The woman, 25, was fairly certain this would never happen but it did. She also never thought she would ever want to train for an endurance event again, but she does. Woman says she will be very careful to check the elevation map of the course she chooses next.

(It's pretty clear none of this was actually reported anywhere but here right?)

Just A Typical Monday Evening

The Scene: The Family Dinner Table

The Players: Myself, S, J & Mom

A family enjoys a pasta dinner and the following conversation ensues:

S: Before I leave tomorrow I need to get some books to take back to school with me. I'm going to start reading.

Me: But you hate reading?

S: I know but I have to start. I need to become smart.

J: Wait, what?

S: You know, I need to read to become smart. Reading makes you smart. Doesn't it?

This is where the stunned silence sets in from the other 3 family members.

S: Wait, doesn't reading make you really smart?

This is where the uproarious laughter sets in from all 4 family members.

Mom: Are you kidding me right now?

Me: What does that even mean make you smart?

S: Well, I don't know? You just read to get smart right?

We continued to have this conversation for another 15 minutes, haphazardly trying to decide if 'Reading makes you smart.' Turns out, there really is no answer. I mean, the 3 people in the family who do read continued to have the conversation so really, who are we to say what smart is? (I'm not even sure that's a grammatically correct sentence....) (However, I did just spell check this, not a single misspelled word. So smart.)

Things You Should *Never* Call Me To Help You With

Seriously. Never. These are 2 things you definitely do not want my help with. (OK, there's alot of things you wouldn't want my help with but I'm not trying to make myself feel horrible here so let's just stick with 2 for now.) So these 2 things include but are not limited to:

1. You never want to ask me for dating advice.
2. You never want to ask me to be a job reference for you.

I was asked for both of these things yesterday. How being a single girl with half a job qualifies me to help you with all that, I have no idea, but apparently it does? I mean, people asked me for the help right? Or maybe I was the only one who answered their phone....

Hint: They Sell Freaking Toys. Children's Toys!

Dear Company Who's Name I Shall Not Mention,

You provide a wonderful email service, alerting me when jobs are available at your organization. It is delightful. I don't have to do any of the work, I just have to open the email.

You know what is not delightful? When I get the same email, with the same position available, that I have applied for 5 times, for which you have not called me for an interview once. Clearly you have yet to fill this position but apparently my spectacular-ness is not good enough for even an interview?

You my friends, are a bunch of idiots.

Love,

Kristen

How Did This Thing Become Such An Issue?

So this is sitting at my house. Has been. Since like, March. I recently cleaned out my closet and rediscovered it. (OK, I knew it was in the closet the whole time but now its sitting on my floor so it has become an issue.) Why do I have this? Long, unimportant story. How did I end up being the resident giant-Miller Light-March Madness-bracket-keeper? How would I not? Who else is going to color code that thing by round? (All you boys who thought just a plain black Sharpie was fine for the whole thing, you were wrong. That thing looks way awesome in full color.) The whole point here is, I'm not sure what to do with it. It feels wrong to throw it away, though it isn't good for anything anymore. And yes, I have been having this discussion with myself since the tournament ended and yes, it is June now. So if anyone has any suggestions as to what to do with the giant Libation Station March Madness bracket, I would really, really appreciate it.