Nailed It

I just realized not only has it been a long time since I posted but that I also never told the story of the Lake Placid Half Marathon. The story here is, there really is no story. This is definitely a 'no news is good news' situation. Before I started, I expected the story to read something like this:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after tripping over her own two feet around mile 8 of the Lake Placid Marathon and Half. The 25 year old woman broke both her ankles and, inexplicably, her nose.

I expected the story to be like that because, you know, have you met me? Sometime between miles 4 and 6 (though the original story was still highly plausible) the story in my head changed:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after being attacked by a bear during the Lake Placid Marathon and Half. The woman, 25, was minding her own business when a black bear came barreling out of the woods and ripped her face off. She is in intensive care.

This came to mind because we may as well have been running directly through the woods. There were points on this course where it was just mountain roads with nothing but woods on either side. Not to mention one of our supporters saw a bear on the side of the road just the day before. These were the Adirondack's here people, any number of animals could have come creeping out of those woods. So that could have happened but around mile 12 I knew what the official story was going to be:

Local Buffalo woman is mercy flighted to Lake Placid Hospital after appearing to drop dead because no one alerted her to the fact that the Lake Placid Marathon and Half course was pretty much straight up hill. The woman, 25, is not dead and was taken back to the course so she could crawl across the finish line.

Seriously. I know I probably should have said to myself, 'Hey, this is in the Adirondack Mountains it is probably going to be hilly. Get your head in the game.' But no. Everyone we talked to said, 'Oh no, it's not that bad.' I promise you, no matter where you've run, you've never run up anything like this. Oh wait, there was that guy in the elevator who had just run his 42nd marathon who told us that Big Sur is worse. Freaking. Big. Sur. I've also heard San Francisco is a bitch but, the point here is, it was hilly. Happily, the story *actually* ended like this:

Local Buffalo woman actually ran across the finish line of her first half marathon in Lake Placid this weekend. The woman, 25, was fairly certain this would never happen but it did. She also never thought she would ever want to train for an endurance event again, but she does. Woman says she will be very careful to check the elevation map of the course she chooses next.

(It's pretty clear none of this was actually reported anywhere but here right?)

Things I've Thought About And/Or Learned

1. I want to actually be Lil Wayne. Not be in his entourage, not be one of his baby momma's, but actually, literally be him. I think he's insanely awesome. If someone can name something un-awesome about that guy I'd love to hear it. (No, I don't care that he's going to jail on weapons charges. I think that adds to the swagger.) If you need some convincing, feel free to purchase this week's Rolling Stone and/or just click here. (In response to seeing him on the Rolling Stone cover Georgie simply said, 'What's he going to do in jail? Isn't that where people just get tattoos? He really should have thought of that ahead of time.' Because people's first thought when going to jail is always, 'Oh no! Where am I going to get all my prison ink with all the tattoos I already have?!' Alternatively, when getting tattoos people probably also think, 'Hmmmm, I may end up in jail someday so I better leave some skin available for when that happens.')

2. I've been bowling wrong for almost 25 years. Apparently you use your middle and ring fingers not your pointer and middle fingers to throw the ball. Who knew? I'm really hoping this revelation improves my game. It should be noted this information would have been really helpful before I bowled 3 games yesterday, not after.

3. Icy Hot is next to Godliness. Despite the fact that every time I put it on Georgie insists upon commenting about how strong it smells, I love it. Anything that makes your calves feel that good can smell however it wants.

4. Things I'm going to invent: Icy Hot that smells in a way in which I could wear it outside the house; crushed tomatoes that come in a box similar to chicken stock so they can be portioned out and stored in the fridge between uses; plastic wrap that doesn't make me want to light myself on fire when I'm just trying to cover a bowl.

5. I think people who Twitter are absolutely batshit crazy. Seriously just totally nutty. That being said, I'm really considering jumping on the bandwagon....

6. A friend tells me if you Google, "When will it get warm in Buffalo?" the answers are abysmal. At least, for today, I don't live where I used to; the photo is Central Park circa about 20 minutes ago.

This Is A Post About Literally Nothing. Literally. Nothing.

I've been itching for something to write about for the last few days. Just really, really have had the urge. (That's the point of a blog right? That and the self-indulgence of it all; I know.) Turns out there is no way to turn the following things into witty, hilarious stories:

1. Bowling a 53. Yeah, it happened.
2. Training on a treadmill in your basement for your half-marathon. Really, it's just watching DVD's in motion. (Just traded 2 seasons of The Office for my friend JK's first 2 seasons of Dawson's Creek. It's amaaaaaaaazing.) (Like I've said, I expected better stories about this. I thought I was going to be one of those people on The Biggest Loser who just bites it on the treadmill. Seriously, I think my Mom cleans the basement while I run because she fears I might spontaneously combust or something.)
3. Applying to jobs such as electrian, automotive technician, and graphic designer.
4. Menu planning and cooking dinner for you and your Mom like the Pres and Michelle are coming over to break bread.

Seriously, that's my life ever since the running epiphany.

So, I guess I kind of turned that into a story. But, not really.

You Win All You Fit, Happy People. You Win.

I had a horrible morning. Like, epically awful. In fact, most mornings lately I wake up, turn on my computer and think, "What fresh hell will this bring today?" So yeah, it was one of those mornings. Today also happened to be my first run for the half-marathon. So all I wanted to do was have a stiff drink, a Happy Meal (literally, a Happy Meal), and to watch the Grammy's over and over again in my very cozy bed. (On that note, the Grammy's were awesome and while the 3-D Michael Jackson tribute was difficult to watch without the glasses, getting to see the likes of Beyonce and Rihanna wear them made it totally worthwhile.) But instead of all of that wonderfulness, I had a 2 mile run ahead of me.

I should also mention that I have always thought people who wax poetic about how running makes them feel great (emotionally, endorphins and such), are pretty much full of it. Preparing for this run I had a whole post brewing in my head about how the running didn't really help make me feel better but the Jameson and the Ben & Jerry's did and thusly, I am right and you are all wrong.

Resisting my want to bag the run and head for the bar, I ran.

And honestly, I apologize. You were not all full of shit all this time. In fact, you all may have been right all along. I feel wonderful and my morning troubles have been nicely tucked away into a tiny box, never to be opened again.

All this does not mean I will not be returning for Monday night bowling and beers. Baby steps here people. Baby steps and rewarding oneself for being great.

Priorities Folks. Priorities.

I've been making an effort to get out and experience my surroundings. Granted this sometimes means really mundane things but that's the point of living in the suburbs, right? When I say mundane I of course mean I have been bowling three times in the last two weeks. That's more than I have bowled probably ever in my life but let me tell you, it really makes for a nice little Tuesday. So Tuesday was bowling (bowled over 100 (108 to be exact) for the first time ever! And yes, there are pictures to prove it.) and beers.

Wednesday was my first Team in Training meeting, (Got the training schedule, may God have mercy on my soul.) after which I went to my first Sabres game. (Big win! In a shootout! Go Pens!) Now all this activity meant I had to set up the DVR prior to leaving the house; ABC comedy Wednesday is unmissable. I get to the program guide only to realize that my shows are all on at weird times and are repeats because the State of the Union Address was last night. I do not know whether to be more embarrassed that I did not know it was State of the Union time or that I then proceeded to set the DVR to record repeats of all my shows and not the Presidential address itself.

Luckily, my good friends over at New York Magazine, saved my life once again. I am now not only caught up on current events but still got In the Moonlight stuck in my head all over again. (I looked really, really hard for a clip of this since I'm sure no one has any idea what I'm talking about but couldn't find one. I would recommend clicking here and if you don't have time to watch the whole half hour, click ahead to about the 19 minute mark to hear the awesomeness. I of course recommend watching the whole half hour, this is easily the funniest show on television right now.)

It's Official

I signed up for my first half-marathon today. This ranks somewhere on a very fine line between the best and worst idea I have ever had. I definitely anticipate some excellent blog content to come from this experience. (And even though it is for Team in Training, an excellent cause, I'm pretty sure this is going to be content of the hilarious, I can't walk a straight line sober variety, and not of the I'm changing my life one mile at a time variety.)

For starters, today I learned what a 'singlet' is. Well, sort of. To fill out an application that basically needed no information beyond my name and address I had to send 5 different texts to my friend A, whose idea this all was in the first place. Apparently a singlet is some kind of half leotard you wear on race day. (Where I come from this is known as a tank top, but what do I know.) Apparently my large boobs to shrinking (seriously!) waist ratio plus my lack of any knowledge of anything about running equals, I'll probably be the one person on race day who doesn't have a singlet. Either that or it's going to be a fat guy in a little coat scene which will probably be equally as hilarious.

Wish me luck folks. Wish. Me. Luck.