No Kids, Just Assets

This past March I took my first trip to Hawaii with my fabulous group of girlfriends. One night, the nine of us were at a local watering hole, just enjoying a few beverages and I happened to be wearing flannel. (The shirt in question is pictured on the right and BTW, lots of people wear flannel.) This shirt led to the following exchange:

The Scene: A bar in Haleiwa, HI after ordering a shot and a beer

The Players: Myself, JS (my dear friend), and Some Random Man at the Bar

Random Man at the Bar: What are all you ladies celebrating?

JS (clutching me in a hug): She's pregnant!

Random Man at the Bar (who apparently didn't notice the beer in my hand or the shot I was about to take or the strange way JS was rubbing my stomach): Oh really? Is that why you're wearing flannel?

Seriously. Pregnancy now apparently means you wear flannel. Or vice-versa. I'm not sure but the point is according to my friend the best answer to "Why are you celebrating?" is "She's pregnant."

So that was Hawaii. Then there was The Ale House.

The Scene: The Amherst Ale House, after ordering a shot and a beer

The Players: Myself, A (Another Dear Friend), Another Random Man at a Different Bar

Another Random Man at a Different Bar: So why are guys celebrating? (This also leads to the question: Can two girls not sit at a bar and get a drink without having a reason to celebrate?)

A: She's getting divorced!

ARMDB: Really, wow!? So how's that going, you doing OK?

Me: Oh yeah, I'm doing great. (I'm so stunned that this was her answer that I literally had nothing to do but go with it.)

A: It was a really good thing, she's doing really well!

ARMDB: Long divorce? Short divorce? Those things can take 2 months or they can take 2 years.

A: It was quick! She's doing great now! That's why we're out celebrating!

ARMDB: Kids?

Me: No kids, just assets.

ARMDB: Well that's great news. Kids really complicate things like that. Congratulations, enjoy your night!

So, yeah. At the ripe old age of 24 I have managed to have a pregnancy that was probably ruined by all the Jameson and Bud Light and a marriage that has ended in divorce but luckily thanks to all the Jameson and Bud Light, there were no kids to fight over. Now, I'm not even sure all this is possible at my age but the real issue here is, why me? How am I always the pregnant flannel wearing divorcee? And why does everyone always believe it's true? Discuss.