What Is This Country Thinking?

OK, I'm not one to get on her soapbox very often. I find it usually gets me in a spot of trouble so I try to focus on the lighter side of life. To quote the fabulous Samantha from Sex and The City, "I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties." That being said, I am going to hoist myself up there real quick.

My mom asked me today what I thought about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's recent wedding. Had I seen any pictures? Do I think they're really married this time? Which got me thinking: Really married? This time? A timeline of events for those of you who don't eat US Weekly for breakfast like I do.

• The second episode of season 3 of 'reality' TV show The Hills entitled Big Girls Don't Cry (I am not sure on dates here. I never claimed to be a journalist.): Spencer proposes to Heidi for the first time, with possibly the ugliest ring ever. Seriously, never propose to me with a purple ring, I don't care how great an idea it seems because you are daring to be different. Dare to be different when you cook me dinner, not with my engagement ring.


• December 19, 2007: US Weekly publishes a cover story about why Heidi called off her wedding. We watched her do this at the end of the third season of The Hills. You know she flies off to Colorado to see her mom, drink hot cocoa, recover from more plastic surgery...but I digress.


• November 19, 2008: Heidi and Spencer 'elope' in Mexico after he gets her drunk. Alright to be fair, she was drunk when he asked her to elope, not during the actual ceremony. And I'm not sure it counts as eloping if you have a white, floor length dress you just happened to pack, flower arrangements, and the crew of US already there to do a cover story. But again, I digress.


• Sometime between then and the December 23, 2008 season 4 finale of The Hills: Heidi and Spencer go to a Los Angeles courtroom to make aforementioned elopement legal. And besides the fact that he stopped her part way through so she 'could have the wedding she always wanted' blah, sh*t, blah, the whole thing was a setup. A Los Angeles Superior Court official came out to say that MTV used the facilities after hours and whomever was sitting behind the bench was not one of their judges. So even if it had gone through, it wouldn't have been a real, official, legally recognized marriage.


• April 25, 2009: Heidi and Spencer actually get married. I would still like to see a marriage certificate but, yes, they actually tied the knot. A white dress, big church and Lauren Conrad in attendance? It had to be real.
  

So am I embarrassed at the amount of research I just did on this subject? Of course. But it brings me to my point: Have these two (yes these two making out in the surgical masks) not made a complete and total mockery of the sacrament of marriage? Have they not been engaged, unengaged, married, not really married, and married again just for the tabloid press?

Just wanting to be clear here: because they are a man and a woman they can do all of this (which basically makes marriage mean nothing if you ask me) to simply become more famous. Yet, we are worried that allowing same sex couples to get married might ruin the integrity of our country? Same sex couples who do not want more press but simply want to have the same rights as my mom and dad did or me and my future husband will have. It's all the gays and lesbians who are going to make a mockery of the sacrament of marriage?

Hmmm. OK. Great work America. Glad our priorities are straight here.

So to answer your question Mom: I don't think much of anything about this wedding. It just makes my heart hurt a little for all the people out there who actually deserve the right to be married. Oh and my stomach is turning a little.

Stepping off the soapbox now and returning you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Gossip Girl, You're Killing Me and MTV, You Are No Better.

TV: You are my favorite. You've known this for years. From 8 pm to about 11 pm every night you can find me parked very comfortably in front of my TV eating up my favorite shows. I have no shame in this. You love music? I love TV.

First up on Mondays, the ever wonderful Gossip Girl.

Dear Gossip Girl,

While your 73 week hiatus this season almost drove me to the edge, I can forgive you because somehow, against all odds, you manage to take my breathe away.

Serena got married in Spain. Sort of. Maybe. Please. Not only are you torturing poor Dan but you are KILLING ME. The last scene shows us she's inevitably going to be stuck in some weirdo three way plot line that will do nothing but make not an ounce of logical sense.

Also, I have never liked Blair and Nate together. Obviously, Blair and Chuck are 100% perfect for each other. (Insert Blair and Chuck! Blair and Chuck! chants here.) Those eyes would sweep me off my feet too, but Chuck needs some loving. The kid has had a really rough year kind of needs a break. Which brings me to my next point:

Little J, why are we bringing up the Kiss On The Lips party? That was so long ago its like it never even happened. Oh, I guess since you're no longer throwing renegade fashion shows or using a whole tube of eyeliner everyday you just needed some attention? Got it. This in no way means I approve of Chuck's attempt at sexual assault, I'm just saying, that was like the third episode of last season and you're not bringing it up until now. Doubt it.

Next week, who knows what that preview was trying to tell me but at least you'll be on again. Right?

Love,
Kristen

P.S. Seriously? Who plays Flo Rida during a Seder meal scene? I may not be Jewish but I know no one is listening to a song with the words "You spin my head right round when you go down," during a holy meal. Take a page from the book of just about any other program on television and talk to the person who selects the music for your show. Better yet, fire them.

The later part of my evening brought me to old faithful, MTV.

Dear MTV,

I am less than a week away from being 24 and you've got me again. Every time I try to run away you somehow reel me in again. The Hills has always had me. I think pseudo reality is just dynamite. Couples counseling in your twenties? Ex-boyfriends who don't shower? Impromptu trips to Hawaii? Perfect. (I think as long as you are willing to accept that none of what you are watching is reality, there is absolutely no problem enjoying this show.)

My problem with you my non-music playing friend is that you have captured me for yet another half-hour a week with the new show College Life. I have officially been out of college for about two years now and here I am knee deep in the freshman year of four students. They're at the University of Wisconsin and I'm still enthralled. (I'm a Penn State Alum. I'm genetically predisposed to hate anything that may pose a threat come football season.)

Is it my sad want to relive my glory days? Is it that I simply enjoy watching young kids making bad decisions? I have no idea but congratulations, you got me.

Love,
Kristen

So while you college freshmen enjoy your Monday night beer pong, this old timer is heading to bed. In a Baltimore Best Western. At a bus stop.

Yes. It is wanting to relive the glory days. Yes. That is the corner of my old beer pong table.