Reason #1 I'm Still Unemployed

Despite it's inherent insanity and complete fakeness, Gossip Girl is definitely still in my top 5 favorite television shows. Since the move home I have even started to make my mom watch it. Not because I think it's appropriate to watch shows with your mom that involve lost weekends and queen bee's but because to watch it in HD (and in what other definition would you want to see Manhattan?) I have to watch it downstairs where she resides most of the day. I will not go to bed on a Monday until after I see the week's episode. Due to last night's impressive Monday Night Football game, Gossip Girl had to be DVR'd and not watched until 1 A.M.

You're probably saying, why does it matter if you watch it Monday night or Tuesday when you wake up? Its not like you have a job, you could watch it anytime of the day or night, right? Wrong.

The first thing I do on a Tuesday morning (well after the first cup of coffee is poured) is turn on my computer. Do I head straight to Career Builder or Monster? Nope. I head straight for this. Because it's pretty much the only thing that gets me out of bed on a Tuesday. And by that I of course mean, I live for it all week long. Super productive way to start the morning.

In other news:

Dear Gossip Girl;

Worst. Threesome. Ever.

xoxo

Anddddddd I wonder why the job hunt continues.

There's No Way This Happens To Other People

So in honor of it being Tuesday this would normally be a frothy, delicious Gossip Girl update. But due to extrenuating circumstances this is going to be a little different. OK, real quick because I can't resist. Chuck Bass taught us about Ponzi schemes and broke mine and Blair's hearts, Nate stood around like an idiot for 42 minutes, and Serena elevated the meaning of dumb blonde to new heights. No offense to all the blondes out there, I know there are plenty of highly intellignet ones but seriously, what is the matter with that girl? All in all a great episode to lead us into the finale. Also, God Bless Daily Intel for bringing the word lacrosstitute into the conversation. Or at least into my conversations.

But on to the real story.

The Scene: Suburban Station, Philadelphia, PA

The Players: Me, A fairly large group of people trying to get on a train, An ananoymous Septa worker, An R7 train

As I am following a line of people walking off the train, minding my business, I somehow get stuck in the door of the train. The person in front of me walked out just fine but as I am exiting the door begins to close and those suckers do not joke around when they are closing. The door hit me squarely in the arm leaving my back half and the backpack on my back in the train and one foot and my front half on the platform. I am inappropriately and uncontrollably laughing at this point and also trying to push the door open but seriously, those doors are not kidding around when they are trying to close. As I am standing there literally stuck:

Little Old Woman: Wow. You're really actually stuck in there. She's stuck in the door.

Me: Sure am.

At this point a Septa employee notices that there is a crowd gathering at the door where people should be boarding a train. Said Septa employee then notices me stuck in the door completely paralyzed and thusly comes running over to push the door open for me. But the door doesn't just push open so it's more him using every ounce of strength to try to pry the door out of my arm and me trying to wiggle out. Eventually I did work my way out.

Me: Thank you!

Septa Employee: OK, he didn't actually say anything he just stood there with an incredulous look on his face.

I then tried to walk off through the station like that didn't actually just happen but it did, so then I was the girl walking through Suburban Station laughing out loud. At myself. And if I could have had someone take a picture of this just so it was documented I totally would have but I wasn't really in the situation to be pulling out my Nikon to dedicate the moment.

Also, on an escalator yesterday in 30th Street Station I almost had to catch a nun to keep her from tumbling down the moving stairs. I don't think she had ever used an escalator before. I also had to stop myself from trampling her when she was unable to get off said escalator. I would have had to sacrifice a 6 piece chicken nugget meal for this and I wouldn't have been happy. Luckily she never actually fell she just came damn close. Just the getting stuck in the train door thing. So that's good. Right?

There is NO Way This Would Happen in Real Life

We all know Gossip Girl is a somewhat satirical (but totally accurate) look into the world of the extraordinarily fabulous Manhattan elite. Which is what made last night kind of difficult for me. I believe this show to be more of window into what people's actual lives are like and not so much a TV show that is completely fake. Like, I think Gossip Girl is less scripted than The Hills. Diluted? Yes. Can I help it? Negative.

So Nate buys an apartment in Murray Hill. The very idea that someone raised in his world would buy an apartment in Murray Hill (despite where is pot dealer lives) is arguably the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The absolute most ridiculous thing I've ever heard is that living in the Village and Morningside Heights is basically like a long distance relationship. Most definitely. Is. Not.

Living apart from your significant other in Philadelphia and New York, that's long distance. Living apart in New York and Chicago, that's long distance. Living in the Village and Morningside Heights; that's not only the same state, it's the same freaking island. Give me a break you two, you don't even like each other. How are you going to live together in a neighborhood that is basically the Frat Row of New York? With your headbands and your Brooks Brothers suits. Puh-lease.

Neither of them would last a minute in Murray Hill. Or the Village. Or Morningside Heights. You can trust me on the last one. 113th and Manhattan Avenue will crush you Nate Archibald. Crush you.

Gossip Girl, You're Killing Me and MTV, You Are No Better.

TV: You are my favorite. You've known this for years. From 8 pm to about 11 pm every night you can find me parked very comfortably in front of my TV eating up my favorite shows. I have no shame in this. You love music? I love TV.

First up on Mondays, the ever wonderful Gossip Girl.

Dear Gossip Girl,

While your 73 week hiatus this season almost drove me to the edge, I can forgive you because somehow, against all odds, you manage to take my breathe away.

Serena got married in Spain. Sort of. Maybe. Please. Not only are you torturing poor Dan but you are KILLING ME. The last scene shows us she's inevitably going to be stuck in some weirdo three way plot line that will do nothing but make not an ounce of logical sense.

Also, I have never liked Blair and Nate together. Obviously, Blair and Chuck are 100% perfect for each other. (Insert Blair and Chuck! Blair and Chuck! chants here.) Those eyes would sweep me off my feet too, but Chuck needs some loving. The kid has had a really rough year kind of needs a break. Which brings me to my next point:

Little J, why are we bringing up the Kiss On The Lips party? That was so long ago its like it never even happened. Oh, I guess since you're no longer throwing renegade fashion shows or using a whole tube of eyeliner everyday you just needed some attention? Got it. This in no way means I approve of Chuck's attempt at sexual assault, I'm just saying, that was like the third episode of last season and you're not bringing it up until now. Doubt it.

Next week, who knows what that preview was trying to tell me but at least you'll be on again. Right?

Love,
Kristen

P.S. Seriously? Who plays Flo Rida during a Seder meal scene? I may not be Jewish but I know no one is listening to a song with the words "You spin my head right round when you go down," during a holy meal. Take a page from the book of just about any other program on television and talk to the person who selects the music for your show. Better yet, fire them.

The later part of my evening brought me to old faithful, MTV.

Dear MTV,

I am less than a week away from being 24 and you've got me again. Every time I try to run away you somehow reel me in again. The Hills has always had me. I think pseudo reality is just dynamite. Couples counseling in your twenties? Ex-boyfriends who don't shower? Impromptu trips to Hawaii? Perfect. (I think as long as you are willing to accept that none of what you are watching is reality, there is absolutely no problem enjoying this show.)

My problem with you my non-music playing friend is that you have captured me for yet another half-hour a week with the new show College Life. I have officially been out of college for about two years now and here I am knee deep in the freshman year of four students. They're at the University of Wisconsin and I'm still enthralled. (I'm a Penn State Alum. I'm genetically predisposed to hate anything that may pose a threat come football season.)

Is it my sad want to relive my glory days? Is it that I simply enjoy watching young kids making bad decisions? I have no idea but congratulations, you got me.

Love,
Kristen

So while you college freshmen enjoy your Monday night beer pong, this old timer is heading to bed. In a Baltimore Best Western. At a bus stop.

Yes. It is wanting to relive the glory days. Yes. That is the corner of my old beer pong table.