Drinking a glass of wine is relaxing. Right?

It takes the following things to open and consume a bottle of wine in my house. And by bottle I of course mean I'm only consuming a glass. Or two. Anyway:

• Set of Keys
• Spreadsheet
• A College Degree (Some kind of Doctorate might be helpful but I'll never know.)
• Google (This of course means you need a computer and a working Internet connection. Sometimes getting the Internet to work in this house requires an act of Congress.)
• Corkscrew
• Large Knife (A cutting board can be helpful so you don't chop up the kitchen counter.)
• Scissors
• Pliers
• One of those rubber things used to open jars (Do those have a technical name?)
• Decanter
• Funnel
• #4 Coffee Filter
• Coaster (And by coaster I of course mean a coaster that is made specifically for bottles or decanters of wine. No regular coasters will do in this house.)
• Plastic Wrap
• Hair Tie (Rubber bands will also work but hair accessories seem to be easier to find.)

I would explain why all of these things are necessary but frankly, I think that list tells you everything you need to know. The picture is of the finished product. I should have just stuck with Georgie's plan and learned to love Franzia.

My dad would be so proud.