Reason #1 I'm Still Unemployed

Despite it's inherent insanity and complete fakeness, Gossip Girl is definitely still in my top 5 favorite television shows. Since the move home I have even started to make my mom watch it. Not because I think it's appropriate to watch shows with your mom that involve lost weekends and queen bee's but because to watch it in HD (and in what other definition would you want to see Manhattan?) I have to watch it downstairs where she resides most of the day. I will not go to bed on a Monday until after I see the week's episode. Due to last night's impressive Monday Night Football game, Gossip Girl had to be DVR'd and not watched until 1 A.M.

You're probably saying, why does it matter if you watch it Monday night or Tuesday when you wake up? Its not like you have a job, you could watch it anytime of the day or night, right? Wrong.

The first thing I do on a Tuesday morning (well after the first cup of coffee is poured) is turn on my computer. Do I head straight to Career Builder or Monster? Nope. I head straight for this. Because it's pretty much the only thing that gets me out of bed on a Tuesday. And by that I of course mean, I live for it all week long. Super productive way to start the morning.

In other news:

Dear Gossip Girl;

Worst. Threesome. Ever.

xoxo

Anddddddd I wonder why the job hunt continues.

Drinking a glass of wine is relaxing. Right?

It takes the following things to open and consume a bottle of wine in my house. And by bottle I of course mean I'm only consuming a glass. Or two. Anyway:

• Set of Keys
• Spreadsheet
• A College Degree (Some kind of Doctorate might be helpful but I'll never know.)
• Google (This of course means you need a computer and a working Internet connection. Sometimes getting the Internet to work in this house requires an act of Congress.)
• Corkscrew
• Large Knife (A cutting board can be helpful so you don't chop up the kitchen counter.)
• Scissors
• Pliers
• One of those rubber things used to open jars (Do those have a technical name?)
• Decanter
• Funnel
• #4 Coffee Filter
• Coaster (And by coaster I of course mean a coaster that is made specifically for bottles or decanters of wine. No regular coasters will do in this house.)
• Plastic Wrap
• Hair Tie (Rubber bands will also work but hair accessories seem to be easier to find.)

I would explain why all of these things are necessary but frankly, I think that list tells you everything you need to know. The picture is of the finished product. I should have just stuck with Georgie's plan and learned to love Franzia.

My dad would be so proud.

This is Why I Don't Leave the House That Much

Job interviewing. Not the world’s least stressful task. This stress is generally made worse when you only operate like half a human which is apparently, the only way I operate. The following sequence of events all happened prior to 9:30am:

1. I purchased this shirt at Express to wear as part of my business professional wardrobe. Though mine is grey, you get the idea. A perfectly standard shirt for such purposes right? Wrong again Kristen, wrong again. It took me about 5-7 minutes to put this shirt on. To put a shirt on. That is because, inexplicably, this ‘button down (button up?) shirt’ does not unbutton. Alternatively, I had to shimmy it over my head. No one should do any shimmying at 8:30am unless it involves a night that has lasted wayyyyy too long. I later learned that said shirt actually (also inexplicably) has a zipper up the side to make it easier to put on. Lesson: Before purchasing a shirt make sure you are 100% aware of how it works. It’ll save boatloads of time in the morning.

2. It wound up being a wacky day of weather in Buffalo. The sun was shining, rain was falling, snow may have fallen from the sky, there was hail, it was nutty. As I woke up this morning there was a fairly steady rain. I gathered this information because I stood stared, stared, at the kids waiting for the bus across the street for at least another 5 minutes. Just stood at my window, drinking my coffee, watching the kids wait for the bus. Realizing this sort of made me a pedophile, I shut the blinds. And refused to open them the rest of the day. Lesson: The only kids you should ever watch waiting for the bus are your own. And even then, really, get a life.

3. Based on the above stalking I determined I needed to wear a coat this morning. I do not, however, have any coats in Buffalo. I realize how this sounds but like I said, I’m avoiding moving. My only option in this whole house was my Lion Ambassador jacket. Now, as a Penn State Lion Ambassador we were given a lot of ‘gear’ to wear. The ever embarrassing formal gear included a blazer, the casual gear included a sweater, a polo, and the jacket. I didn’t mind wearing said jacket while giving tours, at events, even to class…while I was still in college. Not 2 ½ years later. On my way to a job interview. It has my name stitched onto it... Lesson: Be a grown up. Own a coat.

Me in said jacket. At a more appropriate time. GTLS. Don't. Ask.

4. From this point I made it almost all the way to the interview. Almost. As I said it was raining. Hard. I had not one but two umbrellas in my car. In the trunk. Since the whole idea of an umbrella is not to get wet in the first place I decided the best possible plan would be to crawl through the car to get it. In my business suit. And four inch heels. Did I mention I did this all for the world's largest KPMG golf umbrella? Which later fell off of what it was leaning up against and onto my interviewer. I should let you know I had to walk maybe 20 feet. Umbrella: Totally. Not. Worth. It. Lesson: Keep your umbrella at an arm's length. Alternatively, screw the umbrella and run like hell.

In other news, I did get offered the job. So apparently having the maturity and intelligence of a 12 year old can still get you pretty far in this world.

Faux Live Blogging World Series Game 6

Donald Trump + Regis Philbin = OMG, how did all of that personality end up sitting together at a baseball game? My mind is literally blowing as we speak.

Also, where has K. Hud been? Did the wives win?

First Stop, Microsoft Outlook. Next Stop, The White House.

This afternoon I went on my second and a half job interview. I would explain the half but it would really take a lot out of me. Let’s just say it involved 3 hours I’ll never get back, a man named Hal, and not only one of the best moustaches I’ve seen in a long time but also one of the best mullets.

Today’s experience involved a popular furniture store and was not a complete and total waste of time (it did however lack all of the inappropriate hair) but felt like valuable job searching experience. That is, until this conversation took place:

Interviewer: “Do you have a good working knowledge of how to email?”
Me: “Yes, I do. I used email everyday at my last job and communicate with my friends via email all the time.”
Interviewer: “Oh great, then you really have a leg up on everyone here. I’m definitely going to pass your name to my regional manager for a second interview.”

So based on this exchange I make the following inference: Being able to email equals being more qualified for a job than any of the people that already have jobs at said company so therefore if I put together all of my abilities that are similar (read: as simple or even just as this century) to this I am basically qualified to be President of the United States. Am I not?

Really Big Night

"It's either go home and watch basketball or another trip down Broad St." - Jimmy Rollins following the Phillies Game 5 victory over the New York Yankees which saved their back to back World Series hopes.

Here's to a game 7.

What? No one else ever took a 5 month vacation?

After a small hiatus/semi-retirement I have decided everyone probably missed me. A lot. Because I'm a people pleaser, I'm back. For real this time. Get ready for more fascinating stories about Buffalo (I've moved) (or I'm in the process of moving) (or I'm completely avoiding moving), trashy television shows (I've added like a lot more season passes to the Tivo this fall) (OK it's not a Tivo and actually I set it everyday based on what mood I may be in and/or what sporting events I may be watching), and my general disgruntlement's (that is seriously a word, I dictionary.com-ed it) with the world. Get ready to be dazzled.