I'm Baaaaaaaack

OK. My deepest apologies for my little breakski from the blog world. The traveling is not always conducive to sitting down and spilling your deepest, darkest thoughts on to the Internet. So get ready for some serious updates as to what you've missed since Monday May 11. OMG, can you believe it's Memorial Day already? I'm so stunned that I actually typed out OMG if that's any kind of bench mark for you.

Anyway, here starts the update, going all the way back to San Francisco. After the driving an hour out the way excursion, we arrived at dinner at The Fish Market in San Mateo. My review is good not great. Fabulous views, right next to the water, wonderful wait staff. Wonderful wait staff except it took until I ordered my dinner to be asked if I would like to order an alcoholic beverage. Apparently I don't look 21? Or I look like the type of girl who just wants water with her dinner? (Let it be noted I'm actually the kind of girl who wants vodka with her dinner. Lots of vodka.) The problem was the food wasn't the best food I've ever had. Not that everything is going to be the best food I've ever had but if you name yourself The Fish Market, my tuna better not be cooked medium. If you found yourself there I would recommend sitting at the bar and ordering some appetizers. Our appetizers were hands down more enjoyed than anyone's entrees. We had the crab cake, calamari, and some ahi that was melt in your mouth fresh. Obviously this is not the same tuna I was served for dinner. My serious recommendation would be, try another restaurant. I've been to better in San Mateo including but not limited to Left Bank for dinner, Shiki for sushi, or Specialtys for lunch. And by lunch I mean fresh, hot cookies.

While in San Francisco we also attended a Giants baseball game as a team bonding event. This was probably the most boring baseball game of all time, but great fun nonetheless. (For the sports fans out there it was the Giants v. Nationals. This was the biggest story of the day. Not at all entertaining.) If you ever find yourself up there and have the opportunity to go to a game at AT&T Park you must do it. It is a beautiful ball park and there are great views of downtown San Francisco throughout. If you're looking for something to eat there I definitely suggest the garlic fries. I'm not sure what it is about that city and garlic on french fries but they are all over that town and they are delicious. While it isn't so baseball-y I also suggest the Ghiradelli hot fudge sundaes. That is what heaven is like. I'm 100% sure of it. Also, that giant Coke bottle has dueling slides in it. Not that I've ever raced anyone down them. At the age of 22.

So that was my quick stop in San Francisco and the activities that came out of it. The trip home was not nearly as exciting as the trip there which was a welcome break. Except for the almost missing my connection thing. Which of course meant me, running through an airport. Anyone who knows me knows how often I run so this was a big deal for me. Like, a really big deal. So yes, I ran, looking like an idiot but I didn't miss my flight so looking like an idiot was totally worth it. Which leads me to a quick stop in Buffalo before moving on to the next.

Sometimes Travel is NOT So Cool.

My trip to San Francisco starts with a flight at 6:20am from Buffalo to Dulles. Dulles as in D.C. not Dallas as in Texas. I specify only because I've found it helps a lot. People always think you're talking about Dallas. Dulles never occurs to anyone. This trip involved but was not limited to the women directly behind me throwing up into multiple vomit bags. Like had to ask for extra bags as the ones in the seat back pockets in front of her and her husband were not enough. Once on the ground, said vomiter put all her paper vom bags into a plastic garbage bag which was then collected by the flight attendant only to have the woman's husband call the flight attendant back to ask for the plastic bag back as "her eyeglasses might be in it." They weren't. They were on the floor.

After that came a generally peaceful flight from Dulles to San Francisco after which I was 100% sure my bag my was lost. Everyone from my flight got their bag but me and the flight number disappeared from the very informative screen near Baggage Claim Area 1. So as I'm waiting in line at the Baggage Service area (cursing myself for wearing sweatpants as I was on my way to an afternoon of business meetings) there it comes slowly spinning around the carousel. That beautiful Vera duffel bag. God bless you.

An afternoon of meetings led to a sales team dinner. I got put in charge of driving a rental car. Admittedly, I am a slave to my GPS. Being that I didn't think I would be driving a car while out for business, said GPS did not make the trip with me. Which led to driving across what may be the world's longest bridge. Which took us to a completely different town. We then had to drive back over the bridge to get where we were trying to go. Which involved paying a toll. Did I mention the restaurant was pretty much within walking distance from the office? Not cool at all.

So really this is not that great of a story but some things must be talked about. Like vomiting on planes. And hour long trips to restaurants that are literally five minutes from your jump off point. You know, the important stuff.

Shoutout To All The Moms Out There

A very Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there. Since sooooo many Moms read this blog I figured it was important to give them their due. The point is: make sure to give Mom a call, send her a card, or cook her dinner. I will be making a fabulous feast of crab cakes, wedge fries, (seasoned with Parmesan cheese and parsley and baked until golden and delicious) and asparagus. I am probably more excited for this meal than she is.

In other news, my time in Buffalo is coming to an end (yes, I'll be hitting up The Station again tonight) so tomorrow brings us adventures in San Francisco. Get ready for really exciting stories about hour, after hour, after hour of meetings. Also, long naps on planes. There will be lots of stories about that.

Home is the Best.

This weekend starts a(nother) marathon of travel for me. We're talking one end of the country to the other, 3 states in 12 days, planes, trains, and automobiles here. The jump off point for this one is Buffalo, NY.

The best place in the world is home. I subscribe to theory that one can have multiple places they call home, especially if you've taken the time to make more than one place your home. Home in this instance is Buffalo, NY. More specifically the rocking suburbs of Buffalo, NY. If you've ever wondered what it was like to live in a bubble I would suggest moving to the towns of Williamsville/East Amherst/Getzville/Clarence, NY. Did I mention how much I love bubbles? Anyway, if you happen to find yourself up here, just North of the city, a few recommendations for you to chew on.

Merle Norman 7870 Transit Rd. Williamsville, NY: I know Merle Norman is a chain. I know that they sell pillows that say things like, "I'll take a mocha vodka xanax latte please!" I know the women who work there look like they applied their makeup with brushes I use to paint my walls. BUT, I have gotten my eyebrows waxed here for a decade (I just figured out today it has literally been a decade and almost had a heart attack in the parking lot) and I hate going anywhere else. If I know I have a trip home scheduled I will allow my eyebrows to get unruly (perhaps even offensive) in order to wait to go here. They always do a great job and they always stroke the ego by telling me how nice my eyebrows are. Dynamite combo. I realize boys don't understand the eyebrow waxing thing but trust me, finding a good, reliable place to get them done is just as important as just about anything I can think of. Seriously

Bocce's Club Pizza 1614 Hopkins Rd. East Amherst, NY (The Original Shop's Address is 4174 N. Bailey Ave. Amherst, NY but the East Amherst location is my jam): This place is right across the street from my old high school. I used to walk over and buy $2 orders of fries to snack on before field hockey practice. Every time I come home we always order at least once. Generally we always get a pizza and wings (double order, half hot, half barbecue) and if I'm in the mood, I'll order some chicken fingers, medium. I have never eaten anything from here that I haven't liked and it's usually just as good reheated the next day. We always over order so we know we'll have some for lunch for the next few days. Buffalo doesn't have much but it does have excellent food and for Friday night pizza and wings this is 100% the place to order from. Oh and you have to order (at least from the East Amherst locale) as there is nothing but a counter where you pick up your order in the store.

Libation Station 124 Plaza Dr. Williamsville, NY: If you are looking to put your drinking face on, Libation Station is the place to do it. I will go ahead and dub it the 'Best Bar in a Strip Mall Ever'. Yes, 'The Station' is located between a grocery store and a Chinese takeout spot but that does not make it any less awesome. There is nothing fabulous about this place, one might even call it a dive (though since its fresh coat of paint and few wall sconces it's not so much of a dive) but you can always get a cold, cheap beer. And lots of shots. And these are the reasons we go to bars are they not?

So that's a little look at what my Friday in Buffalo looks like. And it may seem short and simple but: grooming, food, drink. What more is there to life?

What Is This Country Thinking?

OK, I'm not one to get on her soapbox very often. I find it usually gets me in a spot of trouble so I try to focus on the lighter side of life. To quote the fabulous Samantha from Sex and The City, "I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties." That being said, I am going to hoist myself up there real quick.

My mom asked me today what I thought about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's recent wedding. Had I seen any pictures? Do I think they're really married this time? Which got me thinking: Really married? This time? A timeline of events for those of you who don't eat US Weekly for breakfast like I do.

• The second episode of season 3 of 'reality' TV show The Hills entitled Big Girls Don't Cry (I am not sure on dates here. I never claimed to be a journalist.): Spencer proposes to Heidi for the first time, with possibly the ugliest ring ever. Seriously, never propose to me with a purple ring, I don't care how great an idea it seems because you are daring to be different. Dare to be different when you cook me dinner, not with my engagement ring.


• December 19, 2007: US Weekly publishes a cover story about why Heidi called off her wedding. We watched her do this at the end of the third season of The Hills. You know she flies off to Colorado to see her mom, drink hot cocoa, recover from more plastic surgery...but I digress.


• November 19, 2008: Heidi and Spencer 'elope' in Mexico after he gets her drunk. Alright to be fair, she was drunk when he asked her to elope, not during the actual ceremony. And I'm not sure it counts as eloping if you have a white, floor length dress you just happened to pack, flower arrangements, and the crew of US already there to do a cover story. But again, I digress.


• Sometime between then and the December 23, 2008 season 4 finale of The Hills: Heidi and Spencer go to a Los Angeles courtroom to make aforementioned elopement legal. And besides the fact that he stopped her part way through so she 'could have the wedding she always wanted' blah, sh*t, blah, the whole thing was a setup. A Los Angeles Superior Court official came out to say that MTV used the facilities after hours and whomever was sitting behind the bench was not one of their judges. So even if it had gone through, it wouldn't have been a real, official, legally recognized marriage.


• April 25, 2009: Heidi and Spencer actually get married. I would still like to see a marriage certificate but, yes, they actually tied the knot. A white dress, big church and Lauren Conrad in attendance? It had to be real.
  

So am I embarrassed at the amount of research I just did on this subject? Of course. But it brings me to my point: Have these two (yes these two making out in the surgical masks) not made a complete and total mockery of the sacrament of marriage? Have they not been engaged, unengaged, married, not really married, and married again just for the tabloid press?

Just wanting to be clear here: because they are a man and a woman they can do all of this (which basically makes marriage mean nothing if you ask me) to simply become more famous. Yet, we are worried that allowing same sex couples to get married might ruin the integrity of our country? Same sex couples who do not want more press but simply want to have the same rights as my mom and dad did or me and my future husband will have. It's all the gays and lesbians who are going to make a mockery of the sacrament of marriage?

Hmmm. OK. Great work America. Glad our priorities are straight here.

So to answer your question Mom: I don't think much of anything about this wedding. It just makes my heart hurt a little for all the people out there who actually deserve the right to be married. Oh and my stomach is turning a little.

Stepping off the soapbox now and returning you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Am I the Only One Who LOVED Analogies on the SATs?

Analogies. One of life's simpler pleasures. Also, a very simple way to break down not only last night's episode of The Real Housewives of New York City but really, the whole season. The following analogies work on a few levels. One, as a breakdown of the dichotemy of Manhattan society and two, as a simple way of explaining these crazies to your boyfriend.

Let it be noted that the 'We' here is me and people of my class and/or position in New York society. (Incase that's unclear, I lived in Harlem in a studio apartment. On a $25,000 a year salary. I ate nothing but Chicken of the Sea. Let it be noted however: Best. Closet. Ever.) The 'They' in these scenarios are the lovely ladies who star in this show and people within the circle they run. (Incase that is unclear, LuAnn only goes out below 14th St. with her 20 something niece. And gets scared of the sex toys. What is that? Isn't that the point of below 14th St?) So, with all that noted, last night my boo (yeah, I said it) was trying to figure out...well I think he was just trying to figure out what the eff these ladies are up to and I perfectly explained it all with what comes next.

Are you serious? They don't just hop on the subway.

We take the subway like they take cabs.

Oh, and we take cabs like they take town cars.

Me and my brains will be patting ourselves on the back for the remainder of the evening. Thank you.

There's No Way This Happens To Other People

So in honor of it being Tuesday this would normally be a frothy, delicious Gossip Girl update. But due to extrenuating circumstances this is going to be a little different. OK, real quick because I can't resist. Chuck Bass taught us about Ponzi schemes and broke mine and Blair's hearts, Nate stood around like an idiot for 42 minutes, and Serena elevated the meaning of dumb blonde to new heights. No offense to all the blondes out there, I know there are plenty of highly intellignet ones but seriously, what is the matter with that girl? All in all a great episode to lead us into the finale. Also, God Bless Daily Intel for bringing the word lacrosstitute into the conversation. Or at least into my conversations.

But on to the real story.

The Scene: Suburban Station, Philadelphia, PA

The Players: Me, A fairly large group of people trying to get on a train, An ananoymous Septa worker, An R7 train

As I am following a line of people walking off the train, minding my business, I somehow get stuck in the door of the train. The person in front of me walked out just fine but as I am exiting the door begins to close and those suckers do not joke around when they are closing. The door hit me squarely in the arm leaving my back half and the backpack on my back in the train and one foot and my front half on the platform. I am inappropriately and uncontrollably laughing at this point and also trying to push the door open but seriously, those doors are not kidding around when they are trying to close. As I am standing there literally stuck:

Little Old Woman: Wow. You're really actually stuck in there. She's stuck in the door.

Me: Sure am.

At this point a Septa employee notices that there is a crowd gathering at the door where people should be boarding a train. Said Septa employee then notices me stuck in the door completely paralyzed and thusly comes running over to push the door open for me. But the door doesn't just push open so it's more him using every ounce of strength to try to pry the door out of my arm and me trying to wiggle out. Eventually I did work my way out.

Me: Thank you!

Septa Employee: OK, he didn't actually say anything he just stood there with an incredulous look on his face.

I then tried to walk off through the station like that didn't actually just happen but it did, so then I was the girl walking through Suburban Station laughing out loud. At myself. And if I could have had someone take a picture of this just so it was documented I totally would have but I wasn't really in the situation to be pulling out my Nikon to dedicate the moment.

Also, on an escalator yesterday in 30th Street Station I almost had to catch a nun to keep her from tumbling down the moving stairs. I don't think she had ever used an escalator before. I also had to stop myself from trampling her when she was unable to get off said escalator. I would have had to sacrifice a 6 piece chicken nugget meal for this and I wouldn't have been happy. Luckily she never actually fell she just came damn close. Just the getting stuck in the train door thing. So that's good. Right?

This Love/Hate Relationship is Really Leaning Toward Hate

Sunday night has always been one of my favorite nights. Even though it means Monday is imminent there is always fabulous television to be watching. However, I'm starting to realize that I'm either watching not so good (read: awful) television or my standards are ridiculously high. I'm guessing it is probably a healthy mix of both. Probably more of the latter. Whatever.

Desperate Housewives: You desperately (pun intended) need to wrap up this Dave storyline. I know, I know; every season you have a mystery that runs from season open to season finale but we know that Edie just died like a minute ago so clearly he's not going to killing Susan. He's going to get caught for starting the fire, killing his shrink, etc. And then what? Then all we have is no more Edie and another gathering of neighbors watching cops and ambulances, (ambuli? What's the plural here?) gossiping, and acting like they are cold. (Please see the Dane Cook Retaliation show in which he was "In his kitchen cleaning a dish so he came out!)

Also, when did Jackson become Canadian? Was there evidence of this before he was forced on hiatus or are we grappling for plot points here? Also if she confessed her love for you would you even bother telling the woman you were marrying her for citizenship? Wouldn't avoiding it, mean you steer clear of not only some awkwardness but also the chances of her saying no, as well as create more stories later when they are married and she finds out why he really proposed? These seems like Storyline Writing 101 to me.

On the plus side (since I really am being Negative Nelly here) Gaby, I love you and your vanity. She is the reason I should never have children. If I'm going to some ball where my husband is being honored, I'm wearing makeup. How else am I supposed to be socially acceptable? And not scare small children and full grown men alike? I don't care what lesson my daughter needs to learn, I'll find another way to teach it to her. Yes, this is shallow. But I'm not this shallow about everything. I don't think.

This one isn't to all of Brothers & Sisters but mostly just to Calista Flockhart: If you have a role where you get to be married to Rob Lowe, you have it written into your contract that no matter what you will never break up with him. You will never have a trial separation, you will never fall in love with some dude from the park. You will have it written into your contract that you guys will make out all the time. Also you will be gazing into his eyes as much as you can. You never, ever agree to a storyline where you are ending it with Rob Lowe. That is just crazy. And incredibly stupid.

This Week in the Kitchen Has Been Dynamite.

I, am a chef. Not in a CIA trained kind of way, more in a all up in my own head kind of way, but, I am a chef nonetheless. My kitchen is like the inside of a Williams-Sonoma. (If you're wondering how I knew it was - and not &, I simply peered out my bedroom window and looked. Also, gazed longingly at Tiffany's. I love my view.) I will buy a kitchen tool to make one dish even if I know it will be relegated to a drawer until the end of enternity. I am the only 24 year old I know who owns a Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer. I am a chef.

That being said this week I made chili out of a mix that came out of a box. Not very chef like at all. But seriously, I have spent a good amount of time trying to make chili at home that I really, really like. I can never find a recipe (or variation on a theme) that has the right amount of spice, heat, kick; all the good stuff that makes chili, chili. But Wick Fowler's 2 Alarm Chili Kit is so awesome I can't believe it comes out of a box. All the spice comes in little packets in the package all you do is add ground beef, tomato sauce, and a little water. You can buy it online or in your everyday grocery store. The package looks a little different now than it does in the pictures in the website but it's the same delicious taste. My only recommendation is instead of the one 8 ounce can of tomato sauce and two 8 ounce cans of water, use one 28 ounce can of tomato sauce and then enough water to just rinse out that can. Also, throw in the entire packet of red pepper. Even if you're a little b*tch when it comes to spice, it isn't that hot. Serve with rice, shredded cheddar cheese, and tortilla chips. Has provided me with lunch for days and I couldnt' be happier. Or fatter.

I also brined and roasted a turkey breast this week from Ted Allen's The Food You Want To Eat. If you do not own this cookbook, buy it. If you have never brined and roasted a turkey breast, do it. I've liked about 90% of the things I've made out of this book and a turkey breast is so much easier (and smaller) than a whole turkey. Almost makes Thanksgiving seem like a waste.

On tap for Sunday, a roasted pork shoulder. Suck it swine flu.